You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
