I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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