I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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