glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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