were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
