new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
