i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
