Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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