btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
