Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
