I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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