I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
