drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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