he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
