Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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