i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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