I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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