how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
