Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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