So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
