I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
