I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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