hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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