i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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