i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
