i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
