You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
