He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
