Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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