did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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