Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
