Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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