He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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