You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
