I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
