Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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