they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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