Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
