I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
