is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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