I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
