i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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