Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize