So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
