One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
