I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize