Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
