dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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