Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
