That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
