I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Even my vagina gasped.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
