I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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