She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
