So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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