Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
