me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
