there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
