so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
