just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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