i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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