It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
