bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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