My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
