I am puke
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
