I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
