She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
